by Pastor Lee Hemen
April 14, 2008

Tell the righteous it will be well with them, for they will enjoy the fruit of their deeds. (Isaiah 3:10)

Zetaman Portrait
God Hates Zetaman

In a world where it seems as if evil is rewarded and the ungodly go unpunished those who live godly lives will wonder, “Why do these people seem to prosper when everything I do goes unnoticed?” Yet if we look closely at where this little verse of Isaiah’s is placed we discover that he put it in between the shame and disgrace of Jerusalem and Judah as they staggered from their ungodliness and the wicked. Even the young people and women of that era were living in flagrant ungodliness. Sounds strangely familiar to our day and age where teenagers beat up classmates to get on the Web, and every other protest is lead by some deprived or depraved female wanting to assert her authority or proclivity in our faces.

How should the people of God live? God says, “Tell the righteous it will be well with them, for they will enjoy the fruits of their deeds.” Cynically someone related, “No good deed goes unpunished.” However, God says it is rewarded if it is done out of righteousness, meaning holy integrity.

Today as I drove to an early morning prayer time, I overheard on the radio that there was a person who took on the persona of a “super hero” in order to handout gloves, coats, and jackets to the homeless living under the bridges of Portland, OR. As they interviewed him, he seemed like an okay guy but the reasoning behind his wearing a superhero disguise, “Zetaman” I believe, and why he desired to do these “good deeds,” smacked of personal self-gratification. He goes armed with an extendable steel baton, pepper spray, and a Taser that delivers 30,000 volts—enough to put a man on the ground. Those tools of the trade are to “defend” himself or people in trouble. He admits being a costumed avenger is addictive after the first taste of parading in public with a “Z” on your chest.

“I couldn’t stop after that,” he says. “I feel great about myself. I’m staying active in the community. And I like comic books, I like great and noble ideas—like He-Man and Spider-Man. And they all have this thing about noble responsibility.” Hmmm… therefore are we to conclude that he did it disguised so that people would only know it was his “superhero” persona that did the deeds and he really did not want any credit? I do not think so.

I am sorry but I found this kind of odd because to me it sounded like selfish guilt wrapped in false humility. If he truly wanted to remain anonymous, why wear a superhero get up, with a mask, and a cape? He is part of a small but growing group of self-proclaimed do-gooders that act out their fantasies of being superheroes while trying to be altruistic.

There are literally millions of “superheroes,” His chosen, that God uses everyday and they never have to go out in disguise to do something gracious for the Lord. And if I remember correctly didn’t Jesus say that if you do it in order to get a personal stroking of any kind, that is the whole reward you receive? I hate those bumper stickers that say, “Do a random act of kindness.” Kindness should never be “random.” It should be God-directed where it brings the most good and glory to the Lord. Therefore child of God never feel sorry because your good deed went unnoticed. God saw it and received the glory for it, if you did it as a means of worshipping Him. Never do something “random,” do it deliberately for His glory as He directs you. You are His superhero!

Local musicians and costume activists work together as a team in a Christmas mission for foster children.

Kirkland, Washington ( PRWEB) December 13 — Vinyl Fluid Records music store and Zetaman, the hero of Rose City, have organized a charity concert.

Live music will be performed by Little Big Man, Project Lionheart, and other local artists.

Vinyl Fluid Records have procured sponsorship from local business like Valve (a gaming store) and Body Boutique as well as corporate support from restaurants like Claim Jumper and Outback Steak House in the form of gift certificates and other prizes which will be used in a raffle to help raise additional funds. The proceeds from Operation: Treehouse will be used to buy much-needed toys which will then be given to the Treehouse to be distributed to foster kids.

Operation: Treehouse has put together a website with more information at http://www.operationtreehouse.info. Contact information, as well as information about the event, is located there.

For more information about the event, please contact Shawn “Story” Hendricks at email: storywon@msn.com or Zetaman at email: zetaman@thealternates.org

A Totally Naked Man
Picture of the man in question

By Bill “The Mouse” Bailey

ROSE CITY- A naked man stopped a robbery in Downtown Rose City on Friday Night.

An officer first spotted the orange-haired man, without his clothes, running toward a robbery in progress at Pioneer Courthouse Square around 6 pm. The individual stopped a would be the robber, Jason Grumblebum, as he attempted to steal money from a couple at gunpoint.

After the naked man beat down Mr. Grumblebum, he ran off down the street, singing a Laura Branigan song. The officer tried using a stun gun to subdue the naked man but the stun gun malfunction.

The robber, Mr. Grumble, was taken into custody for the attempted robbery.

This is not the first time a totally naked man was found stopping criminal activity in Rose City. The police have cited the man with disorderly conduct and interfering with a peace officer but have yet to discover the identity of the nude crime stopper.

Alternates Logo

By Zetaman

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I am officially disbanding the Alternates team. I am very sad to do this. Due to current personality and moral conflicts, the Alternates team cannot function as a team. I accept full responsibility for the failure on my part to continue on. I no longer have the will or desire to seek out RLSH in the northwest area.

To the former Alternates team, good luck in the decisions you are making and will make in your life. I hope good things happen to you.

-Zetaman of Rose City

For more information about Real Life Superheroes, please visit reallifesuperheroes.info.

Shawn the Pizza Bandit
Suspect in question

By Beef Wellington

ROSE CITY- Rose City Police are seeking a man and woman suspected of robbing several pizza eateries in the Old Town District.

The latest robbery took place at the Old Town Pizza on NW Davis. around 2:35 p.m. where the couple entered and made off with dozens of pizzas.

The male suspect is described as a man in his early 20s, between 5 feet, 7 inches and to 8 inches, with a medium build, short brown hair, sunglasses, and in a gray steamer suit with a cape. The woman suspect is described as a woman in his early 20s, between 5 feet, 4 inches to 6 inches, with a thin build, black hair, sunglasses, in a black swat vest, and black combat pants and boots.

Anyone with information about these series of robberies is asked to contact Det. William Rail at 503-867-5309, will.rail@rose-city.net; or to contact the Rose City office of the FBI at 503-555-6792. 

By Pepper Gold

“I HAVE THREE THINGS TO THE RLSH COMMUNITY!

  1. I AM NOT A PART OF YOUR GROUP OR TEAM IN ANY WAY. I AM A MASKED ADVENTURER NOT AN RLSH. MY TEAM AND I STOP CRIMINALS AS A TOP PRIORITY AND DO CHARITY SECOND.

     

  2. I AM NOT A BETTER PERSON THEN YOU BUT I AM A BETTER SUPERHERO THEN YOU. SUPERHEROES STOP CRIME MY TEAM AND I HAVE CONSISTENTLY STOPPED MORE CRIME THAN ANYONE ELSE. ( please do not argue with this unless you have video or police reports to back it up )

     

  3. I AM THE WORST RLSH EVER BECAUSE MOST RLSH ARE IDEALISTIC AND UNDER PREPARED. SPANDEX AND MOTOCROSS ARMOR IS NOT EFFECTIVE AGAINST KNIVES OR BULLETS. (im the only superhero to have been shot or stabbed and trust me spandex did not help) YOUR GOOD INTENSIONS DO NOT STOP YOU FROM BEING SUED OR ACCIDENTALLY BREAKING THE LAW. YOU NEED TO HAVE LEGAL COUNSEL ON SPEED DAIL AND RETAINER.

LASTLY YOU HAVE TO BE IN DECENT SHAPE TO BE THE MOST EFFECTIVE VERSION OF YOURSELF. CRIMINALS ARE VIOLENT, AGGRESSIVE, AND UNPREDICTABLE YOU MUST BE MORE SKILLED. MATCHING SPEED AND AGGRESSION BUT HAVE THE COMMON SENSE AND COMPASSION NOT TO DO WHAT THEY DO.

IN SHORT I DON’T PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS. IF YOU NEED TIPS ON WHERE TO TRAIN OR FIND GEAR YOU SHOULD REACH OUT TO MONTEREY JACK.

THIS LIFE STYLE IS NOT A JOKE IF YOU SPEND MORE TIME ON RLSH.INFO THEN PATROLLING YOU ARE NOT SUPERHERO TRUST ME. NOT INCLUDING MY TEAM THERE ARE MAYBE TEN REAL SUPERHEROS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

NO COMIC BOOK HAS SATANMAN THROWING OUT SANDWICHES. I KNOW WHAT IS PROVABLE AND MOST RLSH DO GRANOLA BARS AND NON PERISHABLES NOT SANDWICHES

-PEPPER GOLD A.K.A. THE GREATEST SUPERHERO EVER!I HAVE THREE THINGS TO THE RLSH COMMUNITY!

  1. I AM NOT A PART OF YOUR GROUP OR TEAM IN ANY WAY. I AM A MASKED ADVENTURER NOT AN RLSH. MY TEAM AND I STOP CRIMINALS AS A TOP PRIORITY AND DO CHARITY SECOND.
  2. I AM NOT A BETTER PERSON THEN YOU BUT I AM A BETTER SUPERHERO THEN YOU. SUPERHEROES STOP CRIME MY TEAM AND I HAVE CONSISTENTLY STOPPED MORE CRIME THAN ANYONE ELSE. ( please do not argue with this unless you have video or police reports to back it up )

  3. I AM THE WORST RLSH EVER BECAUSE MOST RLSH ARE IDEALISTIC AND UNDER PREPARED. SPANDEX AND MOTOCROSS ARMOR IS NOT EFFECTIVE AGAINST KNIVES OR BULLETS. (im the only superhero to have been shot or stabbed and trust me spandex did not help) YOUR GOOD INTENSIONS DO NOT STOP YOU FROM BEING SUED OR ACCIDENTALLY BREAKING THE LAW. YOU NEED TO HAVE LEGAL COUNSEL ON SPEED DAIL AND RETAINER.

LASTLY YOU HAVE TO BE IN DECENT SHAPE TO BE THE MOST EFFECTIVE VERSION OF YOURSELF. CRIMINALS ARE VIOLENT, AGGRESSIVE, AND UNPREDICTABLE YOU MUST BE MORE SKILLED. MATCHING SPEED AND AGGRESSION BUT HAVE THE COMMON SENSE AND COMPASSION NOT TO DO WHAT THEY DO.

IN SHORT I DON’T PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS. IF YOU NEED TIPS ON WHERE TO TRAIN OR FIND GEAR YOU SHOULD REACH OUT TO MONTEREY JACK.

THIS LIFE STYLE IS NOT A JOKE IF YOU SPEND MORE TIME ON RLSH.INFO THEN PATROLLING YOU ARE NOT SUPERHERO TRUST ME. NOT INCLUDING MY TEAM THERE ARE MAYBE TEN REAL SUPERHEROS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

NO COMIC BOOK HAS SATANMAN THROWING OUT SANDWICHES. I KNOW WHAT IS PROVABLE AND MOST RLSH DO GRANOLA BARS AND NON PERISHABLES NOT SANDWICHES

-PEPPER GOLD A.K.A. THE GREATEST SUPERHERO EVER!

By Pepper Gold

As of today Pepper Gold has disbanded the Superhero Squad of Superheroes. While Gold is not entirely forthcoming as to his reasons for dissolving the group, he did provide some details. Please note: when Pepper Gold writes, he does so in all capital letters (just like the text in a comic book.)

I STARTED FIGHTING CRIME YEARS AGO AND GOTTEN A LOT OF MEDIA ATTENTION. I REALLY THOUGHT THAT HAVING A LARGE GROUP OF CIVILIAN CRIME FIGHTERS WOULD LOOK GOOD FOR MY IMAGE.

I WAS WRONG,

IT TAKES A CERTAIN TYPE OF PERSON TO DO THIS JOB CORRECTLY AND UNFORTUNATELY ALL I SEEM TO ATTRACT ARE FATTIES WITH WHITE KNIGHT COMPLEXES. AS OF TODAY THE SUPERHERO SQUAD OF SUPERHEROES IS OVER. I WILL BE PATROLLING SOLO / WITH RLSH I TRUST.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW BY DOING THIS IM LOSING TEAM DUES. I HAVE BANKED SOME CASH CHARGING PEOPLE BUT IF IM GOING TO CALL MYSELF A SUPER HERO I MUST HOLD MYSELF TO HANG WITH A HIGHER CLASS OF PEOPLE.

I WILL NOT GO INTO TO MANY DETAILS BUT I FEEL YOU DESERVE A FEW REASON WHY WE CAN NO LONGER WORK TOGETHER. CERTAIN MEMBERS CAN NOT

-RUN 2.5 MILES IN 30 MIN.

-OR DO FIVE PULL UPS.

-OR 25 SIT UPS IN 2 MIN

OR BELIEVE IT IS OK TO CARRY ILLEGAL WEAPONS.

OR WANT TO PATROL WITH OTHER “SUPERHEROES” THAT HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF MAKING BAD CHOICES THAT ARE POTENTIAL DANGEROUS.

I LOVE BEING A SUPERHERO AND I BELIEVE THERE IS A CERTAIN LEVEL OF PROFESSIONALISM THAT GOES WITH THAT. I CAN’T LOOK LIKE A PIKER TO THE CAMERAS. WHEN I OR ANY MEMBER OF THE SHSSH SHOW UP TO HELP YOU. I WANT YOU TO KNOW WE HAVE FIRST AID CPR TRAINING, WE HAVE TAKING BLOOD BORNE PATHOGENS TRAINING AND THAT WE WILL ONLY WORK WITH OTHERS WHO ARE EQUALLY PHYSICALLY AND MEDICALLY TRAINED.

IM SORRY IF I LET ANYONE DOWN I WILL CONTINUE TO PATROL AND HELP PEOPLE. MY APOLOGY SHOULD BE A SIGN THAT IM HUMBLE.

I JUST CAN’T IN GOOD CONSCIENCE CONTINUE TO PUT MY SEAL OF APPROVE ON PEOPLE I FEEL ARE NOT LOYAL OR PROPERLY TRAINED.

AS ALWAYS BE SAFE MAKE GOOD CHOICES AND I’LL SEE YOU IN THE STREETS. DONT FORGET TO FUND MY NEXT FUNDRAISER. I NEED SOME NEW SHOES.

PEPPER GOLD

ROSE CITY- For the first time ever, on Pay-Per-View, Real Life Superheroes will be facing Real Life Supervillains in a wrestling ring. The Supervillains of Rose City have challenged the local heroes to a Loser leaves town match to end their underground feud.

“We’re tired of those wannabe do-gooders,” said Shawn the Pizza Bandit. “They are worthless, don’t do much, and are extremely unintelligent.”

Another villain, The A-Salt-Er, had this to say- “I will crush all superheroes under my salty grip. All of them are basement dwellers who live at home with their parents. They are wienies.”

Local Vantucky heroine, Extremely Conservative Woman, responded to their challenge. “We’re not afraid of those villains. Each and every superhero will gladly put their superhero career on the line to protect Rose City from the evil forces that plague its streets.”

The showdown between hero and villain will take place at the Rose City Gardens. Tickets for this event range from $25 up to $75. The event is hosted by Vega Media Company and McBuggies.

Wrestling Poster

The Tonka Bean

EMERALD CITY — A local ‘superhero’ known in the past for serving justice and helping the police combat crime in downtown Emerald City is now in super trouble with the law.

Pepper Gold faces multiple drug charges after he allegedly sold the illegal spice, Tonka Bean, to another person, according to a King County District Clerk filing.

An undercover officer with the Emerald City Police Department scheduled a meeting with the popular cape crusader, known in the past for patrolling Emerald City’s Capitol Hill neighborhood every week and stopping fights, feeding the homeless and ensuring justice is served.

Gold typically wore a costume underneath his street clothes in case he encountered crime on the streets, he carried a “pepper gun” and enlisted the support of a sidekick in order to fight the surge of crime in the area.

This real-life superhero’s particular undoing, though, happened to be a penchant for selling banned spices, according to court documents released by the Emerald City Police Department.

A witness told detectives they could not believe Gold had not been caught yet by authorities, paving the way for an undercover sting operation designed to catch the superhero that turned to a life of a crime.

The operation revealed Gold sold Dipteryx Odorata or “The Tonka Bean” to an undercover U.S. Forest Service detective Nov. 21 at a Starbucks at 999 3rd Avenue.

Prior to the encounter, the undercover detective sent Gold $300 on Venmo, according to the report.

Investigators said the famed superhero accepted an additional $200 in person and agreed to sell more “Beans” to the detective at a later date.

Police said Gold handed the agent a brown paper bag, which had several black bean powder substances in several dark-colored bags. Each substance tested positive for Tonka Beans and weighed about 7.1 grams in total.

Less than a week later after the exchange, the undercover officer reached out to Gold for another shipment of “Beans.” Despite many text message exchanges, it took more than a month for detectives to arrange another spice deal with Gold, according to the district court filing.

Police said Gold and his unknown girlfriend agreed to meet an agent Jan. 9 at the Silver Cloud Hotel for a party.

The pair got outside of their vehicle just before 11 p.m. and were seen carrying a shiny gold backpack and a blue plastic tackle box into the hotel lobby, authorities said.

Investigators found seven separate bundles of Sassafras Oil weighing about four grams, a scale with suspected residue, several blue narcotic package and Ackee Fruit weighing approximately 31.7 grams. Detectives uncovered two small plastic bundles with suspected Sassafras Oil residue inside the brown leather bag.

The caped crusader was released from jail Jan. 11 and is scheduled for arraignment Feb. 3, according to online records.

Prior to his run in with the law, Pepper Gold said he became a superhero after his friend was assaulted outside a bar, leaving him with permanent facial damage, and his son was injured by broken glass during a car burglary.

He claimed civilians could have rushed to their help to but stood idly by. From there Gold donned a tophat to ensure his loved ones would not be hurt again.

“Have you ever seen something that you thought was wrong or not fair?” Gold said back in 2013. “That you wanted to change? And then you just thought about it for days or weeks? I don’t stand by and watch things happen that are wrong. When I see it I fix it. Does that make me crazy?”

Gold was a part of the The Superhero Squad of Superheroes movement, which involved a group of heroes patrolling the streets of Emerald City.

Dressing up as a gold Satanman and fighting crime is not illegal but Emerald City police said they do not encourage vigilante justice.