By Hugo Manning

ROSE CITY- A strange flying ship was seen over Rose City earlier today. The U.S. government claims to have been conducting a test of a new satellite for monitoring extra-terrestrial activity. Rose City’s team of scientific advisers, Science Hero Academy Quintet, were asked about the satellite. “We, the scientist of S.H.A.Q., cannot verify the claims of the U.S. Government,” said noted robotics expert, Doctor Ivan Atomickolov. “We urge our local and state officials to demand better transparency from our national military and the federal government.”

The flying ship later exploded in the stratosphere. Although Dr. Atomick (Atomickolov) cannot explain why a low-orbit satellite would be combusted, he offered these explanations-

“The fuel used to power such a satellite must have ignited while the machine approached our atmosphere. A space vehicle descending from space, without proper heat shielding, would burn up. Fire from the satellite’s hull could have reached the fuel source.”

Government officials deny the satellite was to be used for the N.S.A. or spying on foreign allies. The U.N. launched a private investigation. If it is found that the satellite was designed for operations other than space exploration, the U.N. will begin proceedings to charge the United States with privacy crimes.

Local real-life superhero, Zetaman, offered an explanation of the craft’s origin. “It was aliens,” proclaimed Zetaman. “Aliens came down and tried to take over the Earth. The Alternates stopped them for good.”

Doctor Atomick and the White House denounced the RLSH’s claims as “ridiculous” and “the theories of a man seeking attention.”

By Jay Ramenirishman | The Rose City/Rose City Live

Citizens can sleep a little lighter knowing that the scorpion, an animal synonymous with the desert, is native to the Pacific Northwest, too. Members of Keizer-Roll’s fire department got up close to the arachnids Wednesday when someone dropped off four live scorpions at the station.

Keizer-Roll Fire District said in a news release that a member of the public brought in the scorpions “for safety” after finding them in a container at Keizer-Roll Rapids Park and being concerned that they were in an area where they might be dangerous to children.

The fire department named the four creatures — Harpo, Chico, Groucho and Zeppo — before turning them over to the State Department of Agriculture.

Though scorpions are usually associated with the desert, SDA said the species dropped off at the Keizer-Roll fire station are the Pacific Northwest forest scorpion — native to the region, and found throughout the Willamette Valley. They are nocturnal, and most often live under logs or rocks, on south or west-facing slopes.

According to the SDA, the state has three native species of scorpions, and more than 500 species of spiders, which are all part of the arachnid class. The SDA said all are venomous, but only one species of spider in the state, the Western black widow, is dangerous to humans.