Pepper to RLSH: You’re Fat

By Pepper Gold

As of today Pepper Gold has disbanded the Superhero Squad of Superheroes. While Gold is not entirely forthcoming as to his reasons for dissolving the group, he did provide some details. Please note: when Pepper Gold writes, he does so in all capital letters (just like the text in a comic book.)

I STARTED FIGHTING CRIME YEARS AGO AND GOTTEN A LOT OF MEDIA ATTENTION. I REALLY THOUGHT THAT HAVING A LARGE GROUP OF CIVILIAN CRIME FIGHTERS WOULD LOOK GOOD FOR MY IMAGE.

I WAS WRONG,

IT TAKES A CERTAIN TYPE OF PERSON TO DO THIS JOB CORRECTLY AND UNFORTUNATELY ALL I SEEM TO ATTRACT ARE FATTIES WITH WHITE KNIGHT COMPLEXES. AS OF TODAY THE SUPERHERO SQUAD OF SUPERHEROES IS OVER. I WILL BE PATROLLING SOLO / WITH RLSH I TRUST.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW BY DOING THIS IM LOSING TEAM DUES. I HAVE BANKED SOME CASH CHARGING PEOPLE BUT IF IM GOING TO CALL MYSELF A SUPER HERO I MUST HOLD MYSELF TO HANG WITH A HIGHER CLASS OF PEOPLE.

I WILL NOT GO INTO TO MANY DETAILS BUT I FEEL YOU DESERVE A FEW REASON WHY WE CAN NO LONGER WORK TOGETHER. CERTAIN MEMBERS CAN NOT

-RUN 2.5 MILES IN 30 MIN.

-OR DO FIVE PULL UPS.

-OR 25 SIT UPS IN 2 MIN

OR BELIEVE IT IS OK TO CARRY ILLEGAL WEAPONS.

OR WANT TO PATROL WITH OTHER “SUPERHEROES” THAT HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF MAKING BAD CHOICES THAT ARE POTENTIAL DANGEROUS.

I LOVE BEING A SUPERHERO AND I BELIEVE THERE IS A CERTAIN LEVEL OF PROFESSIONALISM THAT GOES WITH THAT. I CAN’T LOOK LIKE A PIKER TO THE CAMERAS. WHEN I OR ANY MEMBER OF THE SHSSH SHOW UP TO HELP YOU. I WANT YOU TO KNOW WE HAVE FIRST AID CPR TRAINING, WE HAVE TAKING BLOOD BORNE PATHOGENS TRAINING AND THAT WE WILL ONLY WORK WITH OTHERS WHO ARE EQUALLY PHYSICALLY AND MEDICALLY TRAINED.

IM SORRY IF I LET ANYONE DOWN I WILL CONTINUE TO PATROL AND HELP PEOPLE. MY APOLOGY SHOULD BE A SIGN THAT IM HUMBLE.

I JUST CAN’T IN GOOD CONSCIENCE CONTINUE TO PUT MY SEAL OF APPROVE ON PEOPLE I FEEL ARE NOT LOYAL OR PROPERLY TRAINED.

AS ALWAYS BE SAFE MAKE GOOD CHOICES AND I’LL SEE YOU IN THE STREETS. DONT FORGET TO FUND MY NEXT FUNDRAISER. I NEED SOME NEW SHOES.

PEPPER GOLD